So three balls

So there are now three balls that I've got no ties to at this moment. I want to give them all a chance I really do. But I don't know how to deal with ball 1. Do I throw myself to the wind again just to risk myself in a high-risk situation? Do I feel angry that he left with no explanation? That he felt I didn't need an explanation? Maybe it's an indication of my shields that it hurt so little when he left the last time.

So he told me he was up front with me about everything but the way he felt. He said that he doesn't fall for females the way he did with me, but he did, and he doesn't understand why but it's a good thing. He told me he can't get me out of his mind, he can't sleep, because he was thinking of me. He told me every time he thinks of me he smiles, and that he laughs about the things I said that were funny. Finally, he told me that he can't say that he loves me cause he doesn't know a whole lot about me but that with what he does know about me he fell in love with. He told me his mother told him to follow his heart and to not be stressed about the situation.

And now the ball is in my court. I'm not sure what to do. He wants to see me tonight. His facebook status says he's in a relationship. With his baby mama? Is this really right? Has he been with her? Do I really care? I've been so good about not thinking about the situation. I've been thinking about seeing other people. People who are available to me. Except...except if I really gave myself the choice, I'd choose him over everyone at the risk of my heart. Again. Am I stupid? Am I weak? Am I female? Or am I brave? Am I willing to see if this can actually work? Am I ready to fight everyone to be with him? My friends, his baby mama, my family? Am I really? I don't know. I thought I was. I was doing it. I defended him and myself only to have him leave me with just a few words.

Do I forgive him because of the circumstances? His issues right now are tremendously more complicated than mine. I just can not trust. His life is changing. I can understand being emotionally stressed to expect a baby by his former lover and to deal with another girl. I don't think I'd be able to open myself to new love if I was in his ex's position. That leaves me to wonder though....has he been with her? or has he just been there for her? I don't know, and I'm not sure I want to know the answer. We're all human with flaws. I can not in good conscience cast ill will towards any actions he's done while he was not with me, just as I would expect him not to in my case.

All I know is that I need an explanation. I need to know why. I need to see him. I want to be held so bad.