You know what bothers me? That you would sign on some obscure screen name to check who blocks you on aim. Seriously? Seriously
Side note: Same day out of dissatisfaction of looking the SAME for a YEAR (that i was with you), and because I couldn't stab anyone/thing I stabbed my hair instead. =) Yay new bangs!
HWSNBN also had a "you blocked me but this is my alt sn and i want to talk to you about jen" aim conversation with Eddy...yes....if he wants to he can post that.
Later on that night......
HOLY SHIT WHY IS HE SENDING ME SO MANY TEXT MESSAGES.
They were along the lines of him hurting OH so much. and why didn't I show him that I cared.
YES. Oh yes....He went there. As if he didn't break up with me but the OTHER way around.
This went on until I was so tired of it, I responded with a WELL FUCKER YOU BROKE UP WITH ME. Which resulted in not only MORE text messages of 10+ attempted calls. This is where I warn him I'm tired and turning off my phone.
NEXT MORNING.
Waking up I get two voicemails which I dont even feel like describing beScause of the redundancy.
HOWEVER, I get the THIRD (out of blessedly three) email.
Same same.
{ commentary in here}
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Subject: I fucked up, I'm sorry
Jen
Last nights conversation went so poorly, I had a horrible time sleeping. I knew I needed to try explain the situation (texting is difficult when fighting). But when I broke up with you I desperately longed for you to call me. You say “you broke my heart why the fuck should I call,” which makes sense but in my mind I felt like if you really cared about me you would have called. I told you right before we broke up that I needed you to call me and make me feel needed, that’s why I said that. The reason I said that was because I was worried that I would cheat on you later in life was because I was having a horrible time knowing how much you actually cared about me. That’s what I was thinking because the situation reminded (in my mind) me so much of MY PARENTS failed marriage.
{you know I don't remember you telling me you'd cheat on me, but hey more reason not to want you back!}
Over the holiday break, you shut down emotionally on me and that destroyed me each day. I kept fighting with you and fighting. Jen, why didn’t you care enough to stop that and what was I suppose to do.
{Thanks....back to blaming me this is the Joe I know and hate!}
You say I fucked up, YES I FUCKED UP but I was in so much pain feeling abandoned and lonely. How would you feel if someone you cared about didn’t communicate with you, it sucks. Why didn’t you realize I needed extra quality attention. Just, like I should have realized you were hurting at your house. I am sorry I didn’t realize that part.
{Thanks again...you fucked up....good thing you know that. Somehow still it doesn't seem like you realize that...nope}
So I thought if I break up with Jen, she might call me and make me feel special, OOPs that ended badly on both our parts. Instead, I got horribly sick and emotionally from the pain and shut down. WHY DIDN”T YOU CALL ME, to even yell at me…Make me feel like you cared. So after a week I was like I will return her stuff in person and maybe she and I can talk. But, nothing was initiated by you, just this longing of hurt. Then I was like O.k maybe she might call me because she saw I was trying to be nice by giving her stuff back and allowing her to keep my stuff, she liked and no phone call occured. Then I got into the fight with Eddy and mysteriously all my stuff landed up in Josh’s apartment. That’s when the pain of abandonment and hurt turned to truly hurt anger.
{So apparently I was supposed to see through his cruelty and get over it. Then CALL him, CONSOLE him, and make him feel SPECIAL. Yeah. I never got that life memo.}
I still thought up to this point maybe I will try to call her to return some more of her stuff I found and we might talk. From that point on you and Eddy no longer wanted to talk to me. That’s when I truly went from hurt to angry and started opening my mouth more and more. Every time I tried to be nice and leave room for you to maybe show you care you just lashed out at me. Everyone was like why haven’t you talked to Jen and I had to respond “She won’t talk to me.” What more did you want me to do. I lashed out at New Year’s from pain because in my “Joe’s mind,” it appeared like you didn’t care about “ME.” You say I said selfish thing and did selfish things after breaking up but how did you respond any differently.
{what more did i want you do to?!?!? I WANTED TO BE LEFT THE FUCK ALONE THAT'S WHAT.}
The reason these last couple of weeks I have tried to fix this is because the pain and anger of the holidays lessened and I felt the pain of missing you! That’s the fucking honest truth and I was like Jen will never communicate with me again if “I DON’T FIX THIS.” So guess what ,I tried to talk to YOU, EDDY and Aimme. But guess what both you and Eddy won’t talk to me at all. You both feel that I should be forever ostracized and ignored. If that’s what you want and will make you happy then feel free to ignore me to your heart’s content.
{Yeah will Aimee's in hot waters now, and it's mostly your fault. so HAH}
You say I fucked up bad and you don’t trust me. That’s fine, that’s legitimate, that’s fair. But, I had to try and fix this because I hate walking into a room with you and you just getting angry and hurt at me. I want to fix that. I want to walk into the room and when I see you, you smile and miss me. That’s the truth; I want to make you happy. But, if the pain and anger is too great then please toss me forever out of your life.
I can’t keep this anger game going of hurt and pain. PLEASE LET ME TRY AGAIN AND PLEASE SHOW ME YOU ACTUALLY CARED! This relationship fell apart because of US FUCKING UP! I’m trying to HELP BOTH US LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE AND ACTUALLY DO IT RIGHT.
{N + O = NO}
You say no one understands what it is like is to take the classes you do and work. I know what it’s like. I know the frustration that it occurs and the anger that occurs. You say I don’t know what the pain is like that you felt that first week, I DO but I WANTED YOU TO CALL. A relationship take two to tango, I was leading for most of the relationship, I NEEDED YOU TO LEAD so I felt LOVED. Ever since my parents’ divorce, the fear of abandonment is always there. I get insecure about things and need to be re-assured. Just like you have issues because of your mother, I have issues because my father.
I STILL LOVE YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU
But when a ship sets sail, it can always return to port after it journey.
However, if you don’t want me to be on that ship ever again that’s fine. But, I need for you to call me and say Joe it’s done, leave me alone. I HATE E-MAIL AND TEXTING, or AIM.
Please forgive me for hurting you.
Tell Jackie I’m sorry for not listening to her advice but the pain and lack of sleep were getting to me. I EXPLODED IN PAIN AND HURT and was having a horrible time sleeping. I desperately longed to fix this.
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So after this. I calmed down for half an hour. Then, I called him and told him "Joe it’s done, leave me alone"
He said, thank you and good bye.
CLICK DONE. YES! celebration right?
SO i go and get my makeup done. and WHILE I GET IT DONE, what happens?
I get a fucking call that's what. I don't answer and then i started getting other calls from a LANCASTER PHONE number.
I answered on the third call and it was my friend sarah. 10 seconds in the call she goes....I was talking to Joe and wanted to talk to you. and I went fucking POSTAL. SO you're using FUCKING OTHER PEOPLE TO TALKT O ME NOW? WELL FUCK YOU!
" I went crazy and almost screamed that I wanted him to leave me the HELL alone and that I NEVER wanted to see him again."
I felt bad for yelling but she STILL called me to bad for HIM. NO fuck everyone, I don't feel bad because mutual friends should stay fucking neutral unless they want to pick sides.
I got voicemails from him asking if he could POSSIBLY see me face to face so I can tell him to leave me alone. Apparently he's afraid that it's not "me" speaking, and that my friends are TELLING me to tell him to go away. Like I have no free will. Yeah. That's really a compliment there.
Apparently, according to him this was BOON, telling him that I should tell him face to face so I'm ot being "influenced unduly by friends."
Yeah...thanks a lot boon, LOVE YOU TOO. Not....
So what does this bastard do next? well he decides I'm not giving my response to his request soon enough. No. I hear from jackie that he's sent her facebook Pm's of the SAME REQUEST.
Yeah....bit much right? I thought so. which made me EXTREMELY pissed off because I THOUGHT FOR A WHOLE 5 HOURS THAT I WAS DONE. FREE to enjoy the rest of my break.
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