I've been waiting so long. So long for this stage to end. Afraid of the ending, but so impatient for it to come. I feel an overwhelming sadness for what I feel is about to happen. I could accelerate the process, put my pain to rest sooner, but I am a coward. I am pitifully hopeful for a happy ending, even though I knew all along it was hopeless.
Life is empty without emotion, love. I almost forgot what that emptiness felt like, but now it's time for me to say hello again. In a way, it is soothing, a numbing balm on the soul. The first touch is icy, shocking. But it quickly becomes second nature, like a well worn cloak.
What's hardest is the lie. The acting. Each time, it takes a small toll. Sometimes I pay up front, sometimes it comes back to me later, but I always pay the toll.
We'll see how long before I crumble.
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